Good day My Lovely parents 🙂
How are you today? Everything perfect and in order? YES? Then this post is not for you. No this post is to talk to the parents that are at the point of pulling out their hair and walking out the door. That sounds crazy to you? Well today I am not going to talk about the perfect world of parenthood, no today I will talk about the not so nice aspects of being a mommy or daddy (The hard/difficult seasons)
Let me start of with telling you that I absolutely love my 3 kids, the problem is not love but patience! When I started in my new season of being a single mommy (about 3 years ago) I did not know how much I would learn in these 3 years. I started my single mom season on the wrong foot stressed and completely out of control and balance. I was constantly working to keep my kids fed, clothed and a roof above their heads, so I had to depend on other people to watch my kids. So I would bring them to school and then to a after school program until evening. Now don’t get me wrong the Lady taking care of my kids after school was sure a great blessing in that season of my life and she did an amazing job with all the kids she had in her care, however my kids were confused and rules seemed not to have to be obeyed. This caused me to have to train them all over again every single day I did get to be off work. Me working so hard at my job and then as well at home did not help me at all. I became super stressed and tense and had a short leash when it came to my kids and patience. To top it off I was still living in this world of, ooh I have to do this all by myself – self-pity!
Praise God for being God Almighty, the most high and powerful God and thank you Jesus for loving me so much and not allowing me to stay in drowning mode. God truly saved me from my situation and turned everything around, all I had to do was change my attitude, obey his commandments and not give up! Below I will do my outmost best to describe what Jesus the best partner in life taught me and is still teaching me every day. Now know that I am not perfect, however Jesus shows up strong when I am weak 2 Corinthians 12:9-11.
1. God showed me first that he is organized. 1 Corinthians 14:33 ((KJV) For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace, as in all churches of the saints) and 14:40 ((KJV) Let all things be done decently and in order) to be honest with you, I was not living organized at all. We lead by example so to no surprise my kids were not organized either. There had to be a shift in the way we lived to become more organized. To start our more organized journey, I made a checklist for my kids and I with house chores assigned to each person. This may sound crazy but believe me it did wonder. My kids became more organized and with it so did my house and to top it off my house became more peaceful. You can see a sample checklist here: Checklist Saturday
2. God showed me that raising my kids is my first responsibility and my most important responsibility and that I should train them in the way they should go Proverbs 22:6. Well this was a very difficult one in the beginning because this meant keeping my kids accountable for not obeying my commands. The first two weeks were extremely hard because mommy now had a new rule, I only speak ones! Haha well it came with many time outs with a closed door for 5 minutes, 10 minutes or 15 minutes. So when my son or daughter 6 and 5 year old (I will do a separate one for my teenage daughter) did not listen they would be put in time out and were only aloud to come out of time out when they well behaved for 5 minutes. The first two days’ time outs went up to 15 minutes each time with the first 10 minutes full of screaming and kicking the door and me holding the door, horrible. However, I did not give up and after two days it went to 10 minutes total and then to 5 minutes total and then after two weeks even to 1-minute total with the kids completely behaving in their time out. It did wonders, however please note that it will not be easy the first couple of days, you should be determined to push through. Well after a little over two weeks, I only would have to say something ones and raise my finger with number 1 and look at my kids and they would repeat, mommy only speaks ones. To my surprise they would obey, no more yelling and stressing, no just a peaceful saying what needed to be done, raising my finger and being quiet. Praise the LORD ALMIGHTY!
3. God showed me that each of my kids receive love differently. This reminded me of a time that I had read the book 5 love languages. So I started to focus on each of my children to see how they showed love to others. As per the 5 love languages book our love languages are divided in the following segments: gift giving, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service (devotion), and physical touch. We have a little of all, however usually one or two are our main love languages, which will fill up our emotional tank. When I looked at my youngest son I noticed that his first love language was: physical touch (hugs and kisses) and whenever I would not give him a hug or kiss he would act out. I had never really paid attention to this and once I did, he became a complete different person and would listen to me. My second daughter loves act of service and giving gifts, she always calls herself mommy’s helper and always talks about gifts and not so surprising always has self-made gifts ready to hand out. Something as simple as drawing a painting for her makes her feel so loved and if one day I forget to make her juice for lunch at school she would feel less loved and act out. My oldest teenage daughter loves Quality time at the right times, sometimes she just needs quiet time by herself. Once I started to show her love, keeping her preference in account she became my best helper in raising my kids. This helped me make vital changes in the way I raised and loved my kids individually and the results show.
4. Bible study together has been another helpful tool, especially with my teenage daughter. Instead of debating with her on her wrongs, I discovered that God did a far better job at this as me. So many times, when I had a argument or disagreement with her, God would tell me to let her be in charge of bible study that day. Well every single time he would bring her to verses on issues she was dealing with. I could see her countenance change in front of me while she was reading that study for the day. This would impact all 4 of us, because as many of you know teenage kids can be very moody at times. HAHA well God knows how to handle that perfectly and has done this countless of times. Where my daughter would ask me for forgiveness without having to yell or be mad or demand change. Is that not amazing?
5. The Sabbath, keeping it Holy has been such a blessing and refreshment in my life. I still have lots to learn in this segment, however I can tell you that this truly does wonders for myself and my kids. We take some quiet time with the Lord each individually in the bedroom with gospel music, merely focused on Jesus. We go to church, study the bible and look at sermons. We eat together and spend this entire day focused on the Lord. No phones, no worldly TV programs or music and lots of rest time. It’s amazing!
6. One on one time with each of my kids individually. Once a month I will take time out to spend with one of my kids one on one. We will go to a restaurant or go see a movie and this time is especially for me and one of my kids. I rotate them to assure each gets a fair change of spending time with me. I have seen my kids use this time to tell me anything that is on their heart and I have seen their self-esteem increase as well. During this time, I focus on him or her and the smiles each one of them have during their individual time with mom is priceless.
7. I go on dates with Jesus and spend time with the Lord daily. I read my bible daily and take quiet time with the Lord. I do not have a structured timing in this yet, I am still working on this. During this time God fills me up with the love, patience, strength and emotional healing I need at that time. It’s so amazing as God often speaks to me during those times and shows me things I did not know before (which I can then share with you) God will gently point out my flaws or my accomplishments in him. I can truly say that Jesus is the best gentleman ever and always there when you need him. The Lord has changed me inside out, which also includes my children and the way I raise them now.
I always thought that I was raising my kids by myself; well I was nothing short from being completely wrong about this. God has been raising my children through me, ever since I allowed him to take over the ropes and stopped fighting him with my own thoughts and ways.
1 Samuel 15: 22 says: Samuel Said: Has the Lord as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices, as in obeying the voice of the Lord? Behold to obey is better than sacrifice and to heed than the fat of rams.
Samuel was talking to King Saul at the time, who had not obeyed the Lord voice completely. The Lord had told him to go and attack Amalek, and utterly destroy all that they have, and do not spare them. 1 Samuel 15:3. However Saul had not done as per the Lords request, he destroyed them however he spared the best animals of the people of Amalek and sacrificed these up to the Lord. This is not what the Lord had asked him to do and he lost being the King of Israel because of his disobedience. The Lord said through Samuel that obeying the voice of the Lord is a better sacrifice than offering burned offerings or anything else. When we obey the voice of the Lord completely and not only the parts we agree with, the Lord will help and bless us. I am not perfect and this is a lesson that I am still learning as well, thank you God for his grace and mercy on us. However, I can tell you that when you are obedient to the Lord he will move in your life like you have never seen before.
I hope this blessed you, like it has blessed me. May the Lord be with you and remember – God loves you Much!